The next time you see your ultra conservative prudish great auntie (the one who splashes holy water on any sinful whore who engages in premarital sex) swaying to the Electric Slide at somebody’s wedding, laugh on the inside over her dancing to a song that might be about a battery-operated fuck toy.

In twenty years, I fully expect for the BBC to do a historical documentary titled Where Were You When You Found Out That The Electric Slide Was About A Vibrator?, because this is some earth-shattering (or should I say, cooch-shattering) news that I never heard. A site called Aazios claims that a source close to the song’s writer, Jamaican singer/songwriter Bunny Wailer (aka Neville Livingston), confirmed to them that the Electric Slide is about sliding up something electric into your cooze tunnel. When Aladdin sang, “I can open your eyes,” to Princess Jasmine in that one cartoon, I think he meant that he was going to tell her that the Electric Slide is about a vibrator.

The so-called source said this to Aazios:

“I’m surprised it took people this long to figure out” the source tells us he said.  Apparently Livingston wrote the song after a girlfriend told him she didn’t need him because she had a toy she nicknamed the “electric slide”

BUT WAIT! Bunny Wailer himself turned the off switch on everybody’s vibrator by saying in a statement that we’re all toilet-brained trash for thinking such a beloved song is about SUCIONESS!

At no time have I ever lent credence to a rumor that the song was inspired by anything other than Eddie Grant’s Electric Avenue. To state otherwise is a falsehood and offends my legacy, the legacy of the singer Marcia Griffiths, and tarnishes the reputation of a song beloved by millions of fans the world over.

Hmmm… Am I going to believe the man who wrote the song or am I going to believe the lyrics? Let’s analyze those lyrics:

You can’t see it
It’s electric!
You gotta feel it
It’s electric!
Ooh, it’s shakin’
It’s electric!

Okay, yeah, that’s about a vibrator,

Jiggle-a-mesa-cara
She’s a pumpin’ like a matic
She’s a movin’ like electric
She sure got the boogie

Um, okay, I tried to think of what else that could be about besides a vibrator and I failed. That vibrator is working so good it’s making her mesa-cara run.

I’ve got to move
Come let me take you on a party ride
And I’ll teach you, teach you, teach you
I’ll teach you the electric slide

Yup, VIBRATOR!

I wonder what other wedding reception songs have another meaning we don’t know about. Let’s see:

You Lost That Loving Feeling By The Righteous Brothers is about a regretful necrophilic.
Lyrical proof: “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.”

Love Shack by The B-52’s is about getting gang banged in your love shack (the butt) at an orgy.
Lyrical proof: “Folks linin’ up outside just to get down!”

I Gotta Feeling By The Black Eyed Peas is about getting high on all the drugs.
Lyrical proof: The entire song, because whoever wrote that shit was cracked out of their minds.

Below is the Queen of Reggae Marcia Griffiths totally not singing about a vibrator:

Pic: YouTube

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