If you hear a banshee cackle across Greater Los Angeles today, it’s Kris Jennerwriting up new plotlines for Keeping Up With The Kardashians, per usual. If you hear TWO banshee cackles, it’s because Kim Kardashian may no longer be the reality TV trick with the shortest marriage. I hope you are sitting down for the latest case in “True Love Doesn’t Exist.” It appears that after two months of wedded…uh…opposite-of-bliss, Danielle Staub and new hubby Marty Caffrey are squabbling, and he even blabbed he wanted a divorce!

Us Weekly says Marty posted (and then deleted) a comment on the Reality Wives Instagram page that said, “Sorry things didn’t work out baby. You aren’t what you pretended to be. Sad.” He also told Radar he was divorcing Danielle on the grounds of her being a fraud. Does he even watch Bravo?? Being a fraud is Danielle’s only personality trait, so I think she should counter-divorce Marty on the grounds of being an ostrich with its head in the sand! Danielle’s rep issued a statement basically confirming shit wasn’t great around the Caffrey house:

“Danielle is having some difficulties with her marriage and is hoping everything will work out.”

In a testament to showing how much she’s working on her marriage, Danielle was a no-show to Jill Zarin’s Hamptons charity luncheon over the weekend. Missing free rosé and a housewives crossover? Bitch means business! Danielle and Marty got engaged last year after dating for a year, and their May wedding included Teresa Giudice as matron-of-honor and castmates Melissa Gorga and Margaret Josephs as bridesmaids because Bravo would pay for the wedding they’re all such great friends. Either way, this will be a win-win: Danielle will save her marriage (sure, Jan) or we’ll see the return of her train wreck ways, and Teresa will eventually flip another table and start jeering at her because Danielle’s engagement count will be well past “nineteen times?!?!” and suddenly barrel well into the forties!

Pic: Instagram