The Canadian Stunt Criminal!

Before we get into this mess, I just want to let you know that here are Dlisted we do not condone turning to a life of crime by trying to use a stolen credit card at a Canadian convenience store in Spruce Grove, Alberta. but if you are going to turn to a life of crime by trying to use a stolen credit card at a Canadian convenience store in Spruce Grove, Alberta, and the mounties (or whatever they call the cops in Canada) are called, try to be as entertaining as Canada’s answer to Bonnie and Clyde!

CBC News says on Monday afternoon, a 29-year-old woman (aka Avril Lavigne if Avril Lavigne didn’t become rich and famous) and a 28-year-old dude (aka Justin Bieber if Justin Bieber never became rich and famous) strolled into the King Street Reddi Mart and tried to buy a can of sodie pop (or “sode-eh pop” if you’re Canadian) with a credit card. The card got declined several times, and the dude said that it was his girlfriend’s card and she was at work. The store owner got suspicious and called the cops. And that’s how this “Benny Hill as seen through the eyes of Harmony Korine” buffoonery came to be.

When the cops arrived, the dude (prepare to swoon over him doing the most gentlemanly thing imaginable) pushed his Bonnie toward the cops (and SWOON). The Canadian Bonnie and Clyde really didn’t want to get busted and tried their hardest to get out of being put into handcuffs. They ran all around the store and the Canadian Clyde eventually gave up when a cop pulled a taser gun on him. But the Canadian Bonnie refused to let the Canadian Ham (that’s the Canadian equivalent of the pigs) take her in, and she went to the backroom where she found a ladder and climbed into the ceiling thinking she was a genius mastermind criminal who found the perfect escape route. The Ocean’s 8 chicks, who?

But well… the ceiling tiles just wouldn’t let her be great and she fell right into the paws of the cops. She has nothing to be embarrassed about, though, because she gave the internet the best grand entrance since Tandi Iman Dupree!

Slate did the lord’s work by giving the surveillance footage the soundtrack it needs:

And in case you missed that fall and A+++ landing, here you go:

Nobody, including the falling criminal angel, was seriously injured. I asked myself “HOW?!” and the only possible answers I came up with were: drugs, drugs, and drugs. Or she’s bionic. Or she’s lucky.

The Canadian Bonnie & Clyde were both charged with using a stolen credit card, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer, attempting to disarm a police officer and resisting arrest from someone aiding the police.

Yes, trying to use a stolen credit card, causing damage to a store that’s not yours, and resisting arrest is wrong, but that’s a lot of charges. The city should wave them all for the Canadian Bonnie for putting Spruce Grove on the map! If you asked me about Spruce Grove before I read about this story, I’d think it was the scent of a Yankee Candle that my mom will want for Christmas. But now Spruce Grove is world famous and known as the place where this devastatingly magnificent stunt was busted out.

Pics: YouTube (For Jan and PKO)

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